Diaper Debacles

Diaper Changing 101:

Stand or sit on the side of the baby or elderly person while changing a diaper. The reason is simple if their is release of fluids it will not hit you. Simple, right?

Fantastico Onomastico

I went to the Social Security website to check out how popular Harrison's name is and was and this is what I found.

Harrison:

Definition:

The boy's name Harrison \ha-rri-son\ is pronounced HARE-ee-sun. It is of Old English origin, and its meaning is "son of Harry." Actor Harrison Ford.
Harrison has 3 variant forms: Harris, Harriss and Harrisson.

The name of two American presidents William Henry Harrison (1773-1841) and his grandson Benjamin Harrison or as some called him BHarry(1833-1901).

Popularity:

2007: 225 of 1000

More Popular: Jacob 1, Daniel 5, David 12, Logan 17, Thomas 51, Owen 56, Jason 59, Xavier 68

Less Popular: Pedro 229, Calvin 230, Phillip 295, Ron 292, Chris 350, Rishi 958

History: 1908 makes its debut at 283. 1970 hits its low at 970. 1997 hits its most popular at 181.

Hobbes:

Definition: The boy's name Hobbes \ho(b)-bes\ is of Old English origin. Variant of Robert (Old English, Old German) "bright fame." Thomas Hobbes was a 17th-century English philosopher. The popular cartoon stuffed tiger created by Bill Watterson was named after him.
Hobbes has 2 variant forms: Hob and Hobbs.

Popularity:

Has never been in the top 1000 names.

Top 5 Vehicles Of All Time!!!

1. Millennium Falcon-Death Star: This is a tie because the Death Star can destroy planets which is pretty awesome, but the Millennium Falcon is awesome in its own right and additionally it destroyed the death star.

2. Airwolf: Airwolf is the most sophisticated helicopter imaginable (flies halfway round the world, outruns jet planes).

3. The De Lorean time machine: All you had to do was type in your destination, get up to 88 miles per hour, and throw 1.21 jigawatts of electricity in the mix.

4. General Lee: Over the course of the show, 321 cars were used, of which 23 are still known to exist. A replica was sold for 450,000 dollars.

5. The Homer: All my life, I have searched for a car that feels a certain way. Powerful like a gorilla, yet soft and yielding like a Nerf ball. Now, at last, I have found it. It only cost $82,000.

Notable Mention:
1. K.I.T.T: I did not choose him for the simple fact that he is a loser and his voice it totally creepy and annoying.
2. Any other space ship: Is a rip off of Star Wars and although cool can not be added for it being unoriginal.
3. Speed Racer's Car: Cool, but not cool enough
4. Bat mobile: It just isn't awesome enough, sorry.
5. Ghost Buster's Car: It almost made it. The problem is that it wasn't in the film enough.

Harrison H. C.

As most of you know, Harrison Hobbes was born the other day. I want to give my version of what happened, because know doubt there are rumors and false accusations flying around out there.


Whats with the name?

He is only named after one of the most awesome men in film history and named after a family friend who my siblings and I look up to. Hobbes is from the cartoon and hopefully this will inspire Harrison to act in the same fashion as Hobbes from the cartoon. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Calvin and Hobbes, Hobbes is Calvin's stuffed tiger that he pretends is real. Hobbes' role is Calvin playmate, but more importantly he is like Calvin's conscience. So I am hoping Harrison will be able to guide and talk Calvin out of the crazy schemes Calvin will no doubt come up with.


How did it all go down?

3:00 am Celine starts to have contractions. Thankfully she didn't wake me up. I needed my energy for the day ahead.

3:30am I hear grunting or moaning and decide to roll over and fall back to sleep.

5:00am Celine wakes up with Calvin because it was her turn.


8:00 am I wake up and she tells me she is having contractions. After interrogating her I decided this is probably the real deal.

8:12 am I go in to work to tell them I will be out the rest of the week.

9:00-12:00 I play video games while Celine naps and Lindsey brings Calvin out to play with his friends.

2:00 pm We get a cab and go to the Hospital.

2:30 pm We get to the doctor's office. The doctor had a nurse hook Celine up to a machine to decipher if she is in fact in labor. I think the doctor thought Celine wasn't really in labor because she was laughing and joking with the doctor on the phone before we went in. The doctor looks at the results and then decided she is in fact in labor and we are admitted.

3:00-4:00 pm I read my book while Celine works on getting Harrison closer to coming out.

4:30 pm Sensing that Harrison will be arriving soon I run up to the cafe to grab dinner. I brought a snickers bar for dessert, but somebody else ate it.

5:45 pm Celine starts having strong contractions.

6:15 pm The doctor comes in. The doctor asks if she wants pain medicine, then decides the medicine will not take effect before the baby is born -- so, too late! They try to put Celine's legs in these medieval stirrups, but Celine wasn't having it and proclaimed, "No. No. my legs don't want to go that way." The doctor and Celine had a discussion about it and Celine won.

6:20 pm The doctor gives Celine some encouragement on her first push and says, "Come on now. Deliver this baby."

6:30 pm A couple pushes later and Harrison's head pops out and the doctor pulls him the rest of the way.


My first reaction:
He was crazy purple.


I think Celine's birth will go down as legend in the hospital. Most of the women here have scheduled C-sections and the others get pain medication.


7:30 pm Celine starts nursing Harrison.

The next day:

2:30 pm We leave 24 hours from when we arrived. We went home so early, because Harrison didn't get circumcised.


Celine and Harrison are doing well and Calvin routinely informs me the baby is, "Sooo Cute" and that he is "My baby."


Fun Fact:
Harrison was born on November 10th which is Ataturk Remembrance Day. Ataturk was the war hero and the founder of the Turkish Republic bringing stability, leadership, and some form of liberties to Turkey. Calvin was born on January 16th it was Martin Luther King Jr Remembrance Day.

Operation: Pongo Pygmaeus

I will undertake another operation soon. This will be a deep cover long term operation. So I don't blow my cover I am not going to release any details on the operation until after the mission. I just wanted you all to being waiting and anticipating the results of Operation: Pongo Pygmaeus.

Jack Is Back!!!

It's Game On Now Suckers!!!!!!!!

Norm McDonald

I was in another less effective meeting the other day. The Dean, counselor, and all of the teachers for the class were there. I am still unsure about the point of the meeting, because all the teachers did was complain about the kids and then the meeting was over with no goals or resolutions on how to improve the students' education.

Anyway the counselor at one point said that if a student is professionally diagnosed with a learning disability, but the student gets above a 70% then the diagnosis was wrong and the student does not have a learning disability.

Wow! That's great news. I guess after all the years of struggling through school, I don't have a learning disability after all, maybe I was just lazy. Thank goodness this counselor was there to set things straight. I better tell the world about this. What a breakthrough in educational psychology.

I will say, it may be that something got lost in translation because the translator who was translating the meeting for me would wait 5 minutes and then give me a one sentence summary of what was said. I think her translation of the counselor was accurate though because they have come up with other ingenious ideas and insights very similar to this one before.

7 Soldiers

I went to Las Vegas this summer with 3 of my brothers. While we were roaming around the main strip, we came across a lot of people. My oldest brother would stop at every booth to try to get us into a time share presentation, because he wanted to get free tickets or free dinner vouchers. The only problem was they only accept couples. My brother tried to convince them that maybe the four brothers were two couples, but they saw right through that.

The best comment we got was from this gruff, older man. He was suprised to find out that we were all brothers and then more shocked when he learned my dad had 7 boys total to which he responded with, "Your dad has seven soldiers. Oh man, if I...well if I had seven soldiers boy I'm telling you...with seven boy soldiers I would...I can't believe that." He never said what he would do if he had seven boys, but he was laughing a little and had a strange look in his eyes.