Boiled Egg Debacles

I love boiled eggs. I like the yoke flaky and white part soft, not rubbery. I love to eat them plain or with salt, I love egg salad sandwiches and deviled eggs. I even like them during Easter after they have been dyed and the food coloring is on the egg under the shell. I have been battling with boiled eggs ever since I can remember because not matter what I do I can't make them right. You would think cooking boiled eggs would be super easy but it isn't. The perfect egg is just a myth. I have done everything I could - varied the cooking time and temperatures, put the egg in different temperature water, peeled the eggs right after cooking and I have also tried waiting. No matter what I do the white part is too rubbery or yoke too hard. The worst part, the absolute worst problem I have is when peeling the stupid egg. I can't get the shell separated from the white part and my egg looks pock marked.

Another problem with boiling eggs is the timing. I always forget them and overcook them. The best story I have about this is when I was living with a family in California, and I was boiling eggs one morning then I went about getting ready for the day and then left the house. I went back at lunch and when I came up to the house I saw firetrucks and a distraught looking landlord. I thought - wow did the house catch on fire. Then a fireman came out with a pot that had burnt eggs on the bottom. The pan was totally black and still smoking. The sad part is I kind of thought it was a little humorous because who calls the firemen because food got over cooked. This lady was extra crazy and I didn't feel bad about what happened. It makes me think I should feel bad about what happened, but I don't. I do feel bad that I can't make good boiled eggs, so the battle rages on.

Because Of You!!!

I have usually had negative interactions with people who work at the gym I would say the same is true for Police. There seems to be this need for ultimate submission and compliance for these two groups of workers. I will say that I am usually less then courteous when interacting with the Police and I can see dealing with idiots all day who don't listen and having to hear one doughnut joke after another would get annoying but what excuse do gym workers have to behave in a condescending, arrogant, and abrasive manor.

A few years ago I was visiting my brother out west and we went to his gym. I had mud on my shoes I tried to wipe them off on the pathetic excuse of a floor mat they had but the mud didn't come off and I didn't think to take them off and lick them clean. After working out for half an hour my brother and I noticed that there was a trail of mud and dried dirt at every piece of work out equipment we had been at and worse there was a trail of bread crumbs leading right to me and even worse was there were very few people in the gym. I went into the locker room to clean them off and then the manager who was this huge muscle-y guy walked in and looked at me and said, "Because of you I have mud all over my gym." For some reason this made me laugh which he didn't care for and then I said something along the lines of, "What do you think I am doing in here? I am cleaning my shoes, do you really think I did that on purpose." Then, I finished my work out making sure to give him dirty looks and saying things to make him mad during the rest of my work out. My brother and I would start our annoying comments with, "Because of you." But I really don't get it. They have this little person who walks around all day with a broom and dust pan or bottle and rag and cleans. Great, now they are making their money.

One of my brothers had a good story about the gym and hopefully he will indulge us by telling it.

For those of you who don't know, I invented a machine that can look into the future and take pictures, and this picture is one I took of my brother Tom.

The Goods

Two items I lived off as a kid.

Once You Start You'll Never Stop

My father-in-law told my wife when she was younger not to get to excited about working, because once you start you will never stop. I found that this was true in my life. I was just thinking about all the jobs I have had over my life.

I started working when I was 9 - working with my dad for his tree removal company on Saturdays. I worked almost every Saturday until I was 19. I have not stopped working since.

1. Tree service-goffer

2. Pathmark-cart boy

3. Boston Market-food prep and meat boy

4. A&P-Cashier

5. Landscaper

6. Taco Bell-food prep and taco maker

7. McDonalds-griller

8. Denny's-cook

9. Toys R Us-overnight stock boy

10. Philly's Cheesesteaks-griller, food prep, cashier

11. Fedex-courier

12. Venice Pizza-pizza delivery boy

13. Chop Stick King-delivery boy

14. Firday Night Live-working with adults with disabilities

15. Massage Therapist

16. Federal Government Census Bearuea-investigator

17. Boulder Creek-waiter

18. Substitute teacher

19. Highland Park Youth activities coordinator

20. Army-recruit

21. Building Retaining walls (one day)


22. Teacher

I might be forgetting some?

Attacking Boredom One Leg At A Time

How many of these cereal characters do you know?

Try not to use the internet

This game is in honor of a game my brothers and I played when we were younger. It is because of this game I am so familiar with products. The game came about due to my family's inability to deal with the lack of constant stimulation. While watching TV we got board during the commercials, so we remedied this by coming up with a game to play during commercials. We each got to pick a type of commercial. For example, I would pick cereals, my oldest brother might pick toys, and another brother could pick candy. Every time a commercial came on that was in your topic you got to give everyone else a dead leg. So-if you can't guess all the character names I will fly to your house and give you a dead leg. (Name has to be exact)

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HELLO! HELLO!

I wasn't the best kid growing up and I got in a little trouble and wish I made a lot of different choices, but there are a few things I have done that still make me laugh. One day when I was in 8th grade, I was brought into the office for what I am sure were trumped up charges. I was waiting in the office for the pricinpal to call me in. I was sitting there getting bored, so I came up with a plan to steal the internal component part of the phone that you speak into. It was an old 1980's phone that sat on the receptionist counter. I covertly walked up and unscrewed the part of the phone you speak into and took the metal circular disk out. A few minutes later, before school ended, students started to come in to call their parents. One by one they would dial their number then say, "Hello, hello, mom can you hear me? I can here you." This went on for about 5 calls. The receptionist and the other secretaries in the office were trying to fix it for about 10 minutes when the receptionist looked up at me with a death stare. She asked if I was responsible. I pleaded ignorance and got away with it. That memory still makes me laugh.

The Mad Pooper

School just ended and I was going to the bathroom before I leave and the faculty bathroom was out of order so I went in the students bathroom. While I was in there I was reminded of story from elementary school. Some one was pooping on the floor in the boys bathroom. It was like a great Sherlock Holmes mystery, Sherlock Holmes: And The Mad Pooper.
I am as strange as the next guy and do weird things and I enjoy a good poo reference as much as the next person (Some of my siblings have a game to see who can come up with the best revised movie or song title replacing key words with some kind of fecal reference. For example: The Never Ending Poopy) but what has to be wrong with an individual for them to leave mystery poop on the floor of the bathroom at school. I don't think they were ever caught so kudos to you mystery pooper.

The Simpsons

I have decided to share some battles from my past:

When we were younger and started to watch more adult shows my parents would try to restrict what we watched. This was a constant battle over the years, but there was one show the we, as kids, fought long and hard to watch, and we finally won. That was - The Battle for the Simpsons.

When the Simpsons first came out, I don't think my parents knew what it was all about. I assume they thought it was a cartoon, so it must be "ok," but I remember after watching it as a family one Sunday night my parents told us we could not watch it.

This was a big problem, because after the first show we were all addicted. It became a ritual where we would sit down in the family room and wait for the show to come on. When it started you saw the Simpsons name appear through clouds along with the sweetest sound. In a chorus of voices would say "The Siiimpso...ns." After the first few shows we would wait in anticipation and my oldest brother would say, "Ok. Be quiet, it's on." We would be silent and my brother would sing, "The" and we would allow follow with "Simpsons."

We would watch the opening credits, making sure we saw what Bart had to write on the chalk board this episode, and then we would be tricked by Maggy driving car and the finale of the opening would be to see which way they all ended up on the couch.

My parents were offended and insulted by what the Simpons represented and the content that was being put in a cartoon on TV on Sunday.

They would come up with different rules and tactics, but we stayed united and had a strong front. We knew this was a battle that we would fight to the death. Eventually my parents backed off and an agreement was made. We could watch the Simpsons, but we could not watch "Married with Children," which my parents still despise and if I watched it with my mother now I am sure she would still say, "Turn this filth off."

Now, a generation later, I am watching the Simpsons with my son most nights. We have a routine too. We curl up on the coach with popcorn and milk and watch an episode. I watch it now and wonder what all the fuss was about. I feel the Simpsons is a witty comedy that captures the American family especially the way it was at the time the show started. It often provides important life lessons, and while sometimes crude, it never gets too bad. I, however, do not agree with some of the racial comments that are made, but maybe that kind of humor will help break down barriers?

I now find myself viewing some of the new shows that are out and I am responding with, "Who would watch that filth?" You know all those cartoons and other inappropriate shows that are out on network and cable TV now.

I wonder what will happen when my children want to watch those shows. Who will win? Am I just too old, or have the newer shows really gone too far?