Thanks But No Thanks!

Why do people get offended when I don't want their stuff? Too often when I refuse people's hospitality they get angry at me. If someone offers me food, gum, or some other item and I don't want it I will say in a polite voice, "No thanks." To which I get the following responses, "Come on" "You know you want it" "You can save it for later" "Don't be shy" etc. Well guess what foolio, if I wanted it I would have taken it, so no I don't want your gross gum that you pulled out of your too tight jeans and why would I carry around an Oreo cookie to eat at some future date and if there is one thing I am not shy about it is accepting things for free - especially food. So if I don't accept your goods it might be because of the following reasons...

1. You are gross, therefore it is only logical your goods are tainted.

2. I am not hungry or do not desire another pillow to lay on. One pillow is enough and by the way you can leave it on the ground if you want but it will just stay there all night.

3. I don't want to feel indebted to you, so when I have way better food I don't feel obliged to share.

4. I can go get my own goods if I want. Yea, that's right - because I am an adult now and if I want to go get some candy or a soda I will get in my car and go get it so stop trying to push your imitation root beer on me. It's nasty, and if I want to get root beer I will go get A&W from the store.

5. I just plain don't like you.


I understand the obligatory polite question if I would like to share or partake in something you have, but when I respond with the obligatory and polite decline of said item don't get huffy with me or I will go Woolbebazerk style all over you - sucker.

Slimed

This is me for most of our vacation in Italy. Calvin got sick and then me and Harrison got sick. I spent most of the vacation covered in mucus and throw-up and sometimes pee.

Summary of our trip:

1 day in Milan

1 day in Venice

5 days in Rome

4 days in Florence

Highlights

Duomo in Milan

St. Mark's Basilica

Doge's Palace

Colosseum

St. Peter's Basilica

Garibaldi Restaurant (Cheese Cake and Rabbit)

Gelato

Duomo in Florence

Low Lights

Sistine Chapel

It Rained about 4 days

Two trips to the hospital in Rome with Calvin

Little to no sleep

And let's not forget the train ride from Venice to Rome where Calvin threw-up on Celine and she just watched even when I was waving a bag in front of her face to catch the barf. The whole train car smelled, but I don't think people noticed because they got used to the smell. Then, when we were getting off the train Harrison was in the Bjorn and I had my hat in front of him ready to put it on my head when he barfed in it. Some girl from the train thought that was pretty funny.

Italy

Boiled Egg Debacles

I love boiled eggs. I like the yoke flaky and white part soft, not rubbery. I love to eat them plain or with salt, I love egg salad sandwiches and deviled eggs. I even like them during Easter after they have been dyed and the food coloring is on the egg under the shell. I have been battling with boiled eggs ever since I can remember because not matter what I do I can't make them right. You would think cooking boiled eggs would be super easy but it isn't. The perfect egg is just a myth. I have done everything I could - varied the cooking time and temperatures, put the egg in different temperature water, peeled the eggs right after cooking and I have also tried waiting. No matter what I do the white part is too rubbery or yoke too hard. The worst part, the absolute worst problem I have is when peeling the stupid egg. I can't get the shell separated from the white part and my egg looks pock marked.

Another problem with boiling eggs is the timing. I always forget them and overcook them. The best story I have about this is when I was living with a family in California, and I was boiling eggs one morning then I went about getting ready for the day and then left the house. I went back at lunch and when I came up to the house I saw firetrucks and a distraught looking landlord. I thought - wow did the house catch on fire. Then a fireman came out with a pot that had burnt eggs on the bottom. The pan was totally black and still smoking. The sad part is I kind of thought it was a little humorous because who calls the firemen because food got over cooked. This lady was extra crazy and I didn't feel bad about what happened. It makes me think I should feel bad about what happened, but I don't. I do feel bad that I can't make good boiled eggs, so the battle rages on.

Because Of You!!!

I have usually had negative interactions with people who work at the gym I would say the same is true for Police. There seems to be this need for ultimate submission and compliance for these two groups of workers. I will say that I am usually less then courteous when interacting with the Police and I can see dealing with idiots all day who don't listen and having to hear one doughnut joke after another would get annoying but what excuse do gym workers have to behave in a condescending, arrogant, and abrasive manor.

A few years ago I was visiting my brother out west and we went to his gym. I had mud on my shoes I tried to wipe them off on the pathetic excuse of a floor mat they had but the mud didn't come off and I didn't think to take them off and lick them clean. After working out for half an hour my brother and I noticed that there was a trail of mud and dried dirt at every piece of work out equipment we had been at and worse there was a trail of bread crumbs leading right to me and even worse was there were very few people in the gym. I went into the locker room to clean them off and then the manager who was this huge muscle-y guy walked in and looked at me and said, "Because of you I have mud all over my gym." For some reason this made me laugh which he didn't care for and then I said something along the lines of, "What do you think I am doing in here? I am cleaning my shoes, do you really think I did that on purpose." Then, I finished my work out making sure to give him dirty looks and saying things to make him mad during the rest of my work out. My brother and I would start our annoying comments with, "Because of you." But I really don't get it. They have this little person who walks around all day with a broom and dust pan or bottle and rag and cleans. Great, now they are making their money.

One of my brothers had a good story about the gym and hopefully he will indulge us by telling it.

For those of you who don't know, I invented a machine that can look into the future and take pictures, and this picture is one I took of my brother Tom.

Max Payne

I have decided to celebrate my 30th birthday by getting an MRI and finding out I will need shoulder surgery in the near future but for now I got shot up with cortisone.

I'm a lumberjack and that's ok...

A new study of the best and worst 200 jobs puts lumberjack at 200. The following beat it out dairy farmer, roustabout, nuclear decontamination tech. So sorry pops but good news Historian made it to number 7.